Women of Crossfit - My experience

I have "friended" a Facebook page called Women of Crossfit = Strong. In all of the postings the women, of many sizes and fitness levels, wax poetically about the tremendous support they get from other women in their box. When I read that I think "I want to live where they live". They must be living in some fairy tale land where unicorns run wild and gas is 30 cents a gallon. It certainly isn't where I live.

There are very few women in my box who are supportive of this 65 year old - and they are the coaches. I'm not sure why. Is it because I am much older than they are? The women are certainly friendly towards my daughter, who is much closer to their age. A couple of times I was talking with Megan when another woman came up to us and just started talking to her, ignoring me. Is  it that Megan is friendlier than I am? Hmmm, I know I can be shy but even when I go up to someone and start talking to them, they get glassy eyed and usually answer with one word, then walk away. It seems that a few of the women have known each other for a while and stay together. That brings me to another thought.

Research has shown that males bully physically but women bully relationally. So, a guy will beat up another guy but women ostracize each other. Girls who bully other girls will comment on how they look, segregate them from activities and suddenly stop being their best friend. Now, I'm not saying that these women at my box are bullies- far from it - but they do segregate themselves from me. I'm not included in their chatter and I don't get "high fives" when I complete a WOD that might be difficult for me. They don't even notice or acknowledge me long enough to notice whether I am have difficulties.

Forty years ago I marched for the Equal Rights Amendment. For women to have equal rights in the job market, in salaries, in the right to control their own bodies. I thought that women had moved past the petty. Certainly women of my generation saw the importance of us supporting each other and we still do. I have a wonderful group of friends who shore each other up. What happened to the next generation?  And the next?

I'm thinking of writing the women who comment on the Women of Crossfit = Strong page and ask "Where are these boxes where the women are supportive of other women? Where they cheer for the last one standing? Where it doesn't make any difference what you look like because we are in this together. Is there room for me?"

She's Baaaack!

Whoa! A lot of things have happened since I last wrote.

Let's see.  I was laid off after saving my boss' agency from being closed down. Humpfh, gratitude!

So it took me a couple of weeks to stop being bitter but I did have a new job before I left. This new job is now soaking up about 50-55 hours a week, causing me to miss Crossfit. I'm hoping things slow down so I can return on a regular basis. Right now I'm managing one visit during the week and one on the weekend.

So, back to the good stuff. On December 14th Megan and I participated in a competition at our box. It was a fundraiser to raise money to provide Crossfit memberships to at risk kids - a worthy cause indeed.

For about a month after I signed up I had major second thoughts. I signed up because I wanted to do something to celebrate my 65th birthday. The WOD looked easy enough and it was AMRAP (as many reps as possible) in 20 minutes. It consisted of 7 burpees (ugh), 14 box jumps and 21 kettlebell swings. Certainly do-able. The problem? I couldn't do more than 3 burpees at a time and I couldn't do box jumps because of my bad knee. OK. I can practice my burpees until I get to 7 (but then I had to do 7 so many times) and I can scale the box jumps to step ups. My confidence started creeping back.

The trick with WODS is that they look really easy until you start. So I got tricked into thinking I was going to be fine.

Weeks leading up to the competition I would go to the box on Sunday specifically to train. Push myself to do those damn burpees and run through the entire set for 20 minutes.  One Sunday I did three rounds, the next three and a half and the last one before the competition I did four. Yup, I was an Olympian in training. Then my coach tells me he knows I can do five. Well, I just fell off Mount Olympus.

The day of the competition. Probably about 150 of us. Both Toms (husband and boyfriend - no, not my boyfriend, Megan's) show up to watch. Megan is going to be my coach. She doesn't want me to be hers. Smart woman. I'm in the first heat, she is in the fifth. We warm up. My heart is racing and it isn't from the warm up. I push down the panic. What did I do? Was I crazy to sign up? Well, too late now

I position myself in front of my box with my kettlebell by my side. The count down "3...2...1...Go!" I've practiced this and timed myself. I've paced myself. The best I have done is 4 rounds. The first round goes fine. The second and third round is a little slower with some pauses to catch my breath. The fourth round starts to wear me down. Megan is coaching me and cheering me "Come on Mom. One more burpee. Get up off the floor." The step up (which comes next) is looking like my oasis because I just can't do one more burpee. Megan then SITS on the box and says "No, no box until you do one more burpee." At that moment I am taken back to 28 years ago when I was in labor with her and Tom was telling me to breathe. I wanted to hit him then. I had a moment's urge to hit her so she would get off the damn box and I could step onto it without doing that last burpee. I push through and do it. I'm now working my way through round 4. I finish that and start round 5! Megan is pushing me and I'm pushing myself. I hear someone behind me cheering me on and in a quick glance I see my coach, telling me I'm doing great. I get through my seven burpees and push my way through the 14 step ups. I'm now onto my kettlebell swings. I manage seven before the buzzer goes off. I beat my own time by almost an entire round!!!

Yup, that's me in the turquoise shirt ready to drop

Megan is hugging me and I'm gasping for breath. I look up and Tom (mine) is staring at me. I walk over to him on shaky legs and he tells me "You were great!" Well, I'm not sure about "great" but I survived.

Two hours later it's Megan's turn. Of course, she is a champ and the three of us are cheering her on,

Two days later the results come out. Megan finished half way down the list of those in her category. I finished dead last of all 150. At first I'm surprised and saddened that I was last but then I start to really process it. I have been doing crossfit for four months. I am older than everyone else by probably 25 - 30 years. I beat my time. I did better than I have during my practices. A sense of pride starts to rush through me. I'm 65 years old and competed. None of my friends even come close to performing like this. I look in the mirror at my grinning face and a crossfit saying comes out of my mouth "YOU ARE A BEAST"!

Musings From the Klutz

So here I am feeling a little more comfortable going to the box now that I can do some things that the others can do. In fact, I'm feeling really confident. And while I'm feeling confident, I miss the step into the box and go flying, landing on both knees and do a face plant. Keys and water bottle go in two different directions. Two guys come over and ask me if I'm okay - one has my keys and bottle. Am I okay? Am I feeling like a klutz? Is my confidence laying all over the mat? Do I imagine everyone looking at me thinking that it's time to get her a walker because she can't step up?   I push all those thoughts over to the side and say "Yes, I'm fine. Thanks. Is there a hole I can crawl into?" Well, the comment about the hole didn't actually come out of my mouth but it did linger around the fringes.

I managed to find some of my dignity and warmed up. Then went to get what I needed for the workout - bar, (2) 10 pound weights, clips and ab mat. .I was going light today (35 pounds) because I wanted to concentrate on form, not weight. Got the bar, check. Picked up the 20 pounds of weights and moved them next to the bar, check. Went to the bucket to get the clips, check. Went back to the bar the put the weights on - Whoa Nelly. Where are the weights? Is this my bar? Yes. But my weights are no where to be found. Help Police - someone stole my weights! Damn. Go back and get the last two ten pounders and then had to hurry to put everything together before the count down. 

Did the WOD and then did the cashout. Not bad. Cashout was tabata with the bar and once you dropped the bar you were out. I was one of the last three. I lasted 3.5 minutes then was done. I'm okay with that. 

So all in all it was a good workout. Of course today I realize that I really crunched my right knee between falling on it, doing squats with the bar and jump burpees but I can happily live with pain. I just find it harder to live with the pain of humiliation.

OMG! OMG! OMG!

So I was thinking that what I really need is a goal. I don't know how much I've improved unless I know where I've come from. And, what better target date than my 65th birthday.

After consulting with my guru (Megan) I decided that I would have some lifting and core goals. I wanted to perfect the deadlift, back squat, push press, snatch and clean/jerk at 45 pounds. In addition I wanted to be able to do 10 burpees in a row without stopping.

So I go to Crossfit on Wednesday and have my usual anxiety attack before going in. I then pull up my big girl workout pants and walk in. As usual I am feeling out of the loop and like I don't belong. I'm uncomfortable stretching on my own and stay away from the other people, especially the women. I check out the two wods - one looks easy (don't they all) and one looks impossible. I ask Jillian (the trainer) for help and she helps me figure out what I want to do. I want to do Thrusters. I want to work on strength today, not endurance.

She sets me up with the lightest bar (15 pounds) and tells me to get (2) 2.5 pound weights, (2) 5 pound weights and (2) 10 pound weights. The goal is to do 3 thrusters in a minute, then add weight, do 3 thrusters in a minute, add more weight, etc. until you can't lift anymore. She places me behind another woman so I can use her as a guide.

Okay. 15 pounds - no problem. Add 2.5 weights on either side. Twenty pounds - no problem. Add 5 pound weights and it's getting a little heavy at 30 pounds. Add 10 pound weights and I'm struggling at 50 pounds but I do it three times. I'm breathing hard and almost grunting but I'm doing it. And I've got the stupidest grin on my face. And I'm thinking, OMG, OMG, OMG. I was trying for 45 pounds in three months but here I am at 50 already. I am really doing this. I'm not looking like everyone else - I'm looking like me lifting 50 pounds over my head. I'm so giddy that I do it not 3 times but 3 rounds of 3 - 9 times. I then take off the 10 pound weights and just practice my form over and over. That's okay with me.

I then sat with Carlos to plan out my next three months. I have to re-evaluate because I met my weight goal before I even started. I realize that I am selling myself short. Sure, I've only been at this a little more than a month and many of the others have been doing this for years but I'm in the trenches with everyone else. I've got sweat in my eyes like everyone else. I'm bending over trying to catch my breath like everyone else. I push myself past my breaking point like everyone else.

Will I have anxiety going into the box the next time? Probably. But I know one thing - I'm proud to say I do crossfit.

Back in the Saddle

I am back from vacation and back at the box. I am proud of my workout on Monday. Did the same thing as everyone but 3 rounds instead of 5 with a modified pull up. That is 60 pull ups, 90 pushups, 120 sit ups and 150 air squats. My poor legs were screaming the next day. Today I had trouble walking up stairs but went back today.

The wod was way too difficult for me so they had me doing the "kids" wod - row 800m, then 3 rounds of 9 burpees, 11 kb swings and 11 box jumps, ending with another 800 m row. Sounds easy, huh? They all sound easy.

I was a little angry with myself, though. I felt that they had me do this wod as a workout when I really wanted to practice my thrusters and other lifts. I need to be more assertive and say what I want.

I'm still feeling a little intimidated. When is this feeling going to go away? I think I need to set a short term goal for myself and work towards it. Maybe learn three lifts and practice them until I can lift more than a 15 lb. bar. Maybe learn to do a pull up with a band instead of jumping off a box. I will be 65 in 3 and a half months and I think I will set a goal for my birthday. Not sure what. Stay tuned.

Riding the Confidence Carousel

So this is week three of crossfit. I signed up to go three times a week. I figure if I pay the money, I do the time. I'm committed to Monday, Wednesday, and either Saturday or Sunday.

Today I found myself briefly flirting with not going. I'm going, No I'm not. Who will know? Who am I kidding? I put on my big girl workout pants and go.

Every time I go, my initial reaction is to leave immediately. Internally I start to panic - outside I am the picture of confidence. I watch these 20 and 30 somethings bend and stretch warming up. I haven't been that limber in 40 years. To me, being limber is getting out of bed without creaking. They chat with each other and leave me alone. No one wants to chat with the old lady. They aren't mean, they just know each other and don't know me.

Flashback to Saturday night and talking with Megan about my experience. I start to tear up when I tell her that I didn't realize it would be this hard. Yes, I expected some difficulty but not the soul searching, sweat dripping from the nose, bending forward to catch my breath hard. I confess that I don't know if I can do this. " Can't do" is not in my vocabulary (unless we talk about swimming but that is food for another blog) so I'm surprised at these feelings. What have I done? What have I promised myself? Megan is a great support ("Gee Mom, this is a switch - me giving YOU the pep talk"), and I calm down.

So here I am in the box and I will myself to stop thinking bad thoughts. I think, some therapist YOU are. What would you tell your clients right now? Shit, I don't care about that. I just have to get through the next hour.

So we stretch as a group. Carlos is looking my way to point out what I'm doing wrong. Geez, now what, I think as I look down but I can't see what I'm doing wrong. He gets up and walks to the person NEXT TO ME. Yay, for once I'm doing it right. Okay, I exhale.

The group is getting ready to do the WOD of the day and Carlos comes to me and explains what I'll be doing. Once again I am different than everyone else, but he does not make me feel bad. He is a good and patient teacher. He teaches me the first step in learning how to do a pull up. He only has to correct me once and I get it. I get it so much he tells me to do five in a row and I nail it - he tells me "Great". He then shows me how to do a "clean" using a medicine ball. I have to use the ball before I can use a barbell. Again he corrects me once and I am very close to getting it - I squat well, turn my hands correctly - I need to hold onto the ball.  I just need more practice. He tells me my squats are good - I must be practicing. He tells me that I have made a lot of progress - even since last week. I smile.

I tell Megan later that night. I'm feeling good.

Another ride on the confidence carousel. Feeling down and insecure, then feeling high and good. I always end the session at the upswing. I'm hoping to get stuck at the top of the carousel permanently.

 

My First Push Press - Aug 25, 2013

I'm All In

So Megan and I went to three classes and I'M IN!!! I'm also sore, tired but feeling unbelievably pumped! The box was closed on Sunday so I went back to my old gym just to do something and realized that, at Crossfit, I push myself. I have no choice. Everyone is pushing so I have to also. It's not like I HAVE to - I want to.

We went yesterday and I felt so good when Carlos told me that my push press was good, I felt a rush of pride and excitement. With modification, I was able to keep up with everyone and that was an amazing feeling.

Now, if only I enjoyed sweat in my eyes, I'd be golden!