Musings From the Klutz

So here I am feeling a little more comfortable going to the box now that I can do some things that the others can do. In fact, I'm feeling really confident. And while I'm feeling confident, I miss the step into the box and go flying, landing on both knees and do a face plant. Keys and water bottle go in two different directions. Two guys come over and ask me if I'm okay - one has my keys and bottle. Am I okay? Am I feeling like a klutz? Is my confidence laying all over the mat? Do I imagine everyone looking at me thinking that it's time to get her a walker because she can't step up?   I push all those thoughts over to the side and say "Yes, I'm fine. Thanks. Is there a hole I can crawl into?" Well, the comment about the hole didn't actually come out of my mouth but it did linger around the fringes.

I managed to find some of my dignity and warmed up. Then went to get what I needed for the workout - bar, (2) 10 pound weights, clips and ab mat. .I was going light today (35 pounds) because I wanted to concentrate on form, not weight. Got the bar, check. Picked up the 20 pounds of weights and moved them next to the bar, check. Went to the bucket to get the clips, check. Went back to the bar the put the weights on - Whoa Nelly. Where are the weights? Is this my bar? Yes. But my weights are no where to be found. Help Police - someone stole my weights! Damn. Go back and get the last two ten pounders and then had to hurry to put everything together before the count down. 

Did the WOD and then did the cashout. Not bad. Cashout was tabata with the bar and once you dropped the bar you were out. I was one of the last three. I lasted 3.5 minutes then was done. I'm okay with that. 

So all in all it was a good workout. Of course today I realize that I really crunched my right knee between falling on it, doing squats with the bar and jump burpees but I can happily live with pain. I just find it harder to live with the pain of humiliation.

OMG! OMG! OMG!

So I was thinking that what I really need is a goal. I don't know how much I've improved unless I know where I've come from. And, what better target date than my 65th birthday.

After consulting with my guru (Megan) I decided that I would have some lifting and core goals. I wanted to perfect the deadlift, back squat, push press, snatch and clean/jerk at 45 pounds. In addition I wanted to be able to do 10 burpees in a row without stopping.

So I go to Crossfit on Wednesday and have my usual anxiety attack before going in. I then pull up my big girl workout pants and walk in. As usual I am feeling out of the loop and like I don't belong. I'm uncomfortable stretching on my own and stay away from the other people, especially the women. I check out the two wods - one looks easy (don't they all) and one looks impossible. I ask Jillian (the trainer) for help and she helps me figure out what I want to do. I want to do Thrusters. I want to work on strength today, not endurance.

She sets me up with the lightest bar (15 pounds) and tells me to get (2) 2.5 pound weights, (2) 5 pound weights and (2) 10 pound weights. The goal is to do 3 thrusters in a minute, then add weight, do 3 thrusters in a minute, add more weight, etc. until you can't lift anymore. She places me behind another woman so I can use her as a guide.

Okay. 15 pounds - no problem. Add 2.5 weights on either side. Twenty pounds - no problem. Add 5 pound weights and it's getting a little heavy at 30 pounds. Add 10 pound weights and I'm struggling at 50 pounds but I do it three times. I'm breathing hard and almost grunting but I'm doing it. And I've got the stupidest grin on my face. And I'm thinking, OMG, OMG, OMG. I was trying for 45 pounds in three months but here I am at 50 already. I am really doing this. I'm not looking like everyone else - I'm looking like me lifting 50 pounds over my head. I'm so giddy that I do it not 3 times but 3 rounds of 3 - 9 times. I then take off the 10 pound weights and just practice my form over and over. That's okay with me.

I then sat with Carlos to plan out my next three months. I have to re-evaluate because I met my weight goal before I even started. I realize that I am selling myself short. Sure, I've only been at this a little more than a month and many of the others have been doing this for years but I'm in the trenches with everyone else. I've got sweat in my eyes like everyone else. I'm bending over trying to catch my breath like everyone else. I push myself past my breaking point like everyone else.

Will I have anxiety going into the box the next time? Probably. But I know one thing - I'm proud to say I do crossfit.

Back in the Saddle

I am back from vacation and back at the box. I am proud of my workout on Monday. Did the same thing as everyone but 3 rounds instead of 5 with a modified pull up. That is 60 pull ups, 90 pushups, 120 sit ups and 150 air squats. My poor legs were screaming the next day. Today I had trouble walking up stairs but went back today.

The wod was way too difficult for me so they had me doing the "kids" wod - row 800m, then 3 rounds of 9 burpees, 11 kb swings and 11 box jumps, ending with another 800 m row. Sounds easy, huh? They all sound easy.

I was a little angry with myself, though. I felt that they had me do this wod as a workout when I really wanted to practice my thrusters and other lifts. I need to be more assertive and say what I want.

I'm still feeling a little intimidated. When is this feeling going to go away? I think I need to set a short term goal for myself and work towards it. Maybe learn three lifts and practice them until I can lift more than a 15 lb. bar. Maybe learn to do a pull up with a band instead of jumping off a box. I will be 65 in 3 and a half months and I think I will set a goal for my birthday. Not sure what. Stay tuned.

Riding the Confidence Carousel

So this is week three of crossfit. I signed up to go three times a week. I figure if I pay the money, I do the time. I'm committed to Monday, Wednesday, and either Saturday or Sunday.

Today I found myself briefly flirting with not going. I'm going, No I'm not. Who will know? Who am I kidding? I put on my big girl workout pants and go.

Every time I go, my initial reaction is to leave immediately. Internally I start to panic - outside I am the picture of confidence. I watch these 20 and 30 somethings bend and stretch warming up. I haven't been that limber in 40 years. To me, being limber is getting out of bed without creaking. They chat with each other and leave me alone. No one wants to chat with the old lady. They aren't mean, they just know each other and don't know me.

Flashback to Saturday night and talking with Megan about my experience. I start to tear up when I tell her that I didn't realize it would be this hard. Yes, I expected some difficulty but not the soul searching, sweat dripping from the nose, bending forward to catch my breath hard. I confess that I don't know if I can do this. " Can't do" is not in my vocabulary (unless we talk about swimming but that is food for another blog) so I'm surprised at these feelings. What have I done? What have I promised myself? Megan is a great support ("Gee Mom, this is a switch - me giving YOU the pep talk"), and I calm down.

So here I am in the box and I will myself to stop thinking bad thoughts. I think, some therapist YOU are. What would you tell your clients right now? Shit, I don't care about that. I just have to get through the next hour.

So we stretch as a group. Carlos is looking my way to point out what I'm doing wrong. Geez, now what, I think as I look down but I can't see what I'm doing wrong. He gets up and walks to the person NEXT TO ME. Yay, for once I'm doing it right. Okay, I exhale.

The group is getting ready to do the WOD of the day and Carlos comes to me and explains what I'll be doing. Once again I am different than everyone else, but he does not make me feel bad. He is a good and patient teacher. He teaches me the first step in learning how to do a pull up. He only has to correct me once and I get it. I get it so much he tells me to do five in a row and I nail it - he tells me "Great". He then shows me how to do a "clean" using a medicine ball. I have to use the ball before I can use a barbell. Again he corrects me once and I am very close to getting it - I squat well, turn my hands correctly - I need to hold onto the ball.  I just need more practice. He tells me my squats are good - I must be practicing. He tells me that I have made a lot of progress - even since last week. I smile.

I tell Megan later that night. I'm feeling good.

Another ride on the confidence carousel. Feeling down and insecure, then feeling high and good. I always end the session at the upswing. I'm hoping to get stuck at the top of the carousel permanently.

 

My First Push Press - Aug 25, 2013

I'm All In

So Megan and I went to three classes and I'M IN!!! I'm also sore, tired but feeling unbelievably pumped! The box was closed on Sunday so I went back to my old gym just to do something and realized that, at Crossfit, I push myself. I have no choice. Everyone is pushing so I have to also. It's not like I HAVE to - I want to.

We went yesterday and I felt so good when Carlos told me that my push press was good, I felt a rush of pride and excitement. With modification, I was able to keep up with everyone and that was an amazing feeling.

Now, if only I enjoyed sweat in my eyes, I'd be golden!

Home

Megan and I went to this other box today for the second day to see what a class is like in addition to the open gym before we plunk down our hard earned money on monthly fees. Yes, it is expensive but worth it if I get what I want.

This group was awesome! Very friendly. When the instructor told me that the warm up was my workout, I laughed. I was soaked with sweat just from the workout.

I can't keep up with everyone and I can't do most of what everyone else is doing but I give it everything I've got. While everyone else was doing knees to elbows hanging from the bar, I got scaled way back to rounds of 7 burpees and 7 situps. The situps were easy - I could have done a million of them, but burpees??? OMG! I couldn't even do the first seven, let alone a series of situps and burpees. At one point I was totally tapped out and couldn't even lift myself off the floor. The next thing I know I feel someone next to me who is saying "You are doing great. You CAN do this." I dig down deep and lift myself, looking into the face of this tall muscled guy. He smiled and gave me a high five. Just that alone was worth it!

Afterward I told Carlos, the instructor, that I was ready to do what it takes to do a muscle up within a year. He told me it wouldn't take that long and that we would arrange goals at 30, 60 and 90 days.

I come home soaked in sweat, eyes burning from the sweat having dripped into them, totally exhausted. I fell asleep in front of the T.V. at 8:30! But it's an exhaustion born of a job well done and knowing that I can push past my limits.

I am so psyched!

A Different Box

Although I liked the instructor at the box I had tried, I kept thinking there was something more. So did Megan. So, on a sunny Sunday morning we drove to another box a little closer to my house to try it out. Right from the beginning, we felt the difference.

One of the "athletes" came over and introduced herself. Then another. Carlos, the instructor, took us under his wing for a good portion of the open workout. He explained and showed us what we were doing wrong with the rowing machine. I've used the machine at two other gyms and this is the first time that someone actually got on a machine and broke it down for me. It took me a couple of minutes of working slowly and step by step but I got it. The difference from what I had been doing to now is incredible.

He then asked us what we wanted to work on. Megan immediately said her lifting. I said I also wanted to learn to lift. He looked at me with a surprised look, then said "OKAY!!!"

He worked with Megan on her lifts. Sorry I can't comment about that cause I have no idea what they were doing. He then showed me how to lift. The way he showed me, it really came easy.

Here is Megan struttin' her stuff

But, here is the best part for me. All this time I thought I couldn't run because of what the doctors think is peripheral artery disease. I was having pains in my right calf when I ran so they thought I MIGHT have PAD but couldn't really find anything. Carlos asked me to run for him, then I took off my sneakers to walk for him. He said the way I was running I was pounding the pavement with my heel and he showed me the right way to run. He also gave me an exercise because I tend to turn my right foot out (the one with the problems). He then had me run 200m the way he showed me. I could do it without pain!!! No one had actually watched me run. He was the first person who did and figured out what the problem was. I ran back with a huge grin on my face. Hmmm, maybe that 5 K is still in my future. Thanks Carlos.

So, I think Megan and I have found a box that we like.

Another Chance

So today Megan and I went back for our second class. I had read somewhere that people puke at the end of the WOD. I think maybe they ate too much before the workout so, just to be on the safe side, I eat 2 hours before.

The instructor was a different person but the WOD was just as hard. Again, we had to partner up. Thank goodness Megan is there to partner with me or I would have had a flashback to my 8th grade dance - me, a chubby girl with glasses holding up the wall while boys snuck past. At least another "athlete" (that's what we are called) chatted with Megan briefly. Again, another flashback to junior high where I was best friends with Susan,  the most popular girl, and watched as the boys circled her like sharks after a seal - and I was crawfish.

My intimidation factor was way down today. Frankly, I didn't care what other's thought. I guess that is a box step up (get the joke?) from Tuesday. We lined up outside and had to run. I just shrugged my shoulders and walked. Oh well.

Because I can't run, I have to use the rowing machine instead. Sadly I find out that Marc had miscalculated the meters I was supposed to row last time. Of course he calculated down. So today, when people are running 400m, I have to row 500m. Huh??? Okay, no problem. Except when it is the 5th 500m I'm doing. I was winded but feeling okay until I stood up, Whoa Nelly. I almost lost my balance cause my legs would not cooperate. I then had to hold my kettlebell and do box step ups. My mind said "That's easy" but my legs said "Who are YOU talking to?" Same with those damn burpees - my legs forgot they were part of my body.

But Megan and I perservered. I got a lot more leg work and she got a lot more upper body work but we worked together. I hope I held my own today. It certainly felt like it. Just to be on the safe side I'm not going to ask her.

At the end we discovered that we completed the same number of reps as the rest of the group. The only difference was that I was using a 6 lb medicine ball instead of 15 and a 25 lb. kettlebell instead of a 50 lb. But when all is said and done, averaging for age, etc., we did the same workout as everyone else. And I didn't puke.

My First WOD

I sat in my car waiting for the garage doors to lift up. Good, only two other cars in the parking lot. I'm glad I came to the early class so there won't be a lot of people.

Within five minutes there were about 10 cars. Streaming out of these cars were young people, probably in their 20's and 30's, all fit, cut, and ready to eat someone. Here I was, the lone oldie but goodie. I was twice their age, probably twice their weight and I was going to be their peer (or so I wrongly thought). The instructor told us to warm up. They went for a run, stretched, swung arms. I stood there. Warm up??? Isn't someone supposed to show me how to warm up?

So begins my journey into Crossfit.

I really like going to the gym but I have rarely felt a tremendous satisfaction after a workout. I slowly realized that I enjoyed doing weights. I hate the elliptical, can't run because of pains in my leg, and, although I love to dance, find zumba boring. But weights? Love them. Can't get enough of them. I feel strong and powerful when I lift something, whether it's a dumb bell, bar or medicine ball. But I have trouble following exercises from the internet so I knew I needed to find something else.

My marathon running, weightlifting, nutritious eating daughter Megan said I should try Crossfit. Said it was an amazing group who were supportive and I would love it. She would even go with me.

So why am I standing in the middle of the "box" feeling alone, nervous, and so out of my element? Right then and there I make a promise to myself that, after this is over and I have humiliated myself, I won't come back. I think, "Just make it through this next hour and you won't have to see these people ever again."

After I make a futile attempt at warming up Mark, one of the instructors, shows us the WOD (Workout of the Day). He smiles and tells me and Megan that we happened to come on a day that has one of the hardest workout ("Oh, great. NOW I find out. Can I leave now without anyone noticing?").

The WOD is daunting. It starts with a 800m run. Hah! That leaves me out immediately. Nope, Mark makes adjustments and I find myself rowing instead of running. Of course I'm the only one rowing but what the heck. Then comes pullup - about a gazillion of them. I can't even get up on the box to reach the bar cause I'm too short (add another humiliation to the growing list) but Mark has me using rings. I'm glad to see another woman is using rings also. Whew.

More rowing, then burpees. Is he kidding? My legs have given up and I can barely stand. I manage 12 burpees that are pretty pathetic looking. I feel bad because Megan is doing my share and she looks like death. I figure she won't want to come any more after taking care of her mom.

Damn, More rowing.

Finally kettlebells. Yeah, something I can do with everyone. But 200 swings??? Megan and I take turns whittling away at the 200.

And, finally, more rowing. Really??

Sweat pours off me. My heart pounds. My legs can barely hold me up. My arms are twitching. And then I realize something - I wasn't thinking about the other people during this time. I was too busy trying my best and trying not to let Megan down. And I realized something else. I was smiling. A wobbly smile, but one never the less.

I think I'll come back for one more class.