OMG! OMG! OMG!

So I was thinking that what I really need is a goal. I don't know how much I've improved unless I know where I've come from. And, what better target date than my 65th birthday.

After consulting with my guru (Megan) I decided that I would have some lifting and core goals. I wanted to perfect the deadlift, back squat, push press, snatch and clean/jerk at 45 pounds. In addition I wanted to be able to do 10 burpees in a row without stopping.

So I go to Crossfit on Wednesday and have my usual anxiety attack before going in. I then pull up my big girl workout pants and walk in. As usual I am feeling out of the loop and like I don't belong. I'm uncomfortable stretching on my own and stay away from the other people, especially the women. I check out the two wods - one looks easy (don't they all) and one looks impossible. I ask Jillian (the trainer) for help and she helps me figure out what I want to do. I want to do Thrusters. I want to work on strength today, not endurance.

She sets me up with the lightest bar (15 pounds) and tells me to get (2) 2.5 pound weights, (2) 5 pound weights and (2) 10 pound weights. The goal is to do 3 thrusters in a minute, then add weight, do 3 thrusters in a minute, add more weight, etc. until you can't lift anymore. She places me behind another woman so I can use her as a guide.

Okay. 15 pounds - no problem. Add 2.5 weights on either side. Twenty pounds - no problem. Add 5 pound weights and it's getting a little heavy at 30 pounds. Add 10 pound weights and I'm struggling at 50 pounds but I do it three times. I'm breathing hard and almost grunting but I'm doing it. And I've got the stupidest grin on my face. And I'm thinking, OMG, OMG, OMG. I was trying for 45 pounds in three months but here I am at 50 already. I am really doing this. I'm not looking like everyone else - I'm looking like me lifting 50 pounds over my head. I'm so giddy that I do it not 3 times but 3 rounds of 3 - 9 times. I then take off the 10 pound weights and just practice my form over and over. That's okay with me.

I then sat with Carlos to plan out my next three months. I have to re-evaluate because I met my weight goal before I even started. I realize that I am selling myself short. Sure, I've only been at this a little more than a month and many of the others have been doing this for years but I'm in the trenches with everyone else. I've got sweat in my eyes like everyone else. I'm bending over trying to catch my breath like everyone else. I push myself past my breaking point like everyone else.

Will I have anxiety going into the box the next time? Probably. But I know one thing - I'm proud to say I do crossfit.